Angels.

What is an angel? Angels are beings with agency who are seen to accompany us, or even protect us. (Casper ter Kuile)

Do you believe in angels? 77% of Americans believe in angels.

About a year ago, I learned that a man I dated for about 6 months in 2016 (I think) had unexpectedly passed away. Intuitively (or imaginatively) I had a felt sense that he had taken his own life. When I received this news last year, I was just coming into touch with my personal vitality, vibrancy and wholeness. I recalled the period of my life when I dated this man and we were both resonating at low vibrations. I felt sad and I wondered as to how I had climbed my way out of the depths of despair and distress.

In May 2019, I was in Spain studying with Deb Dana and I learned this man had ended his life by jumping from the Coronado bridge one early morning. The confirmation was painful and palpable. I bowed out of the training for the next day to take myself for what I now term “a walk of grief”. I took in the pleasant landscape of Sitges, a beach town outside of Barcelona, and intended on going to mass at a Catholic church. Upon arriving, the doors were locked. I was angry and distressed. I walked around the building and stumbled upon a garden, no, a cemetery, neatly tucked behind the church. There were gardeners tending to the landscape. I noticed a chair and so I tended to my grief.

What unfolded surprised me. I screamed out in terror as tears poured from my eyes and down my cheeks. I felt this loss, because this loss was a letting go of a part of myself, too. We shared a brief connection of love and intimacy and now it was gone, so gone. I allowed this expression to move freely through me and believe it was because this was so accessible. A cemetery within walking distance, a foreign land and space to be with nature.

To all my angels, thank you for your love, guidance and protection!