Life-Death-Life Cycles

Somewhere God is laughing. I feel it in my bones.

I took time off from my Masters to settle into my body, my new apartment post-breakup and my new job last Spring. I resumed my Masters this Spring after a calm few months and life/death happened. I successfully directed the first Tending to the Whole Self weekend after losing my Tia Alice. I gracefully navigated nearly two and a half weeks with intermittent lack of water/hot water at my apartment while the pipes were replaced and felt the loss of a young life taken too soon by his own doing. I am laughing. I am crying. I waited until life calmed, only for the potent reminder that life happens in its own timing and waiting is often a cover for not getting on with things or for being stuck.

I loosened my reigns on my studies (shh!) and I still have some Catholic-school-girl-guilt about this! As it turns out, I still have an A in the class - go figure! I asked for help from family, friends, colleagues, and professional helpers of all sorts. I was met. Oh, to my great relief and surprise I was met so sweetly. And to be honest not so sweetly in some cases. Rather than taking it personally, I set some boundaries to care for myself. I am thirty-four years old and feel like I am finally living my life. Stuck no more. It’s hard and I find I am concerned about the consequences, though this lessens overtime as I trust I am caring for myself.

This vibrant Spring in San Diego is transforming into Summer. The new life rose from loss. When does a human die? When does life begin? These are philosophical questions that are spiritual, political, and deeply personal. That spectrum between life and death both widens and narrows as I begin to investigate it. I am writing this post on May 1, which is May Day or Beltane. I am so intrigued by these Earth based celebrations of the transitions rather than the typical celebrations of the peak. These are the subtle shifts. Today definitely feels like summer. The clouds just rolled in and it immediately chilled in my apartment. The conditions are changing. Can you feel that?