Most intimate.

Dizang asked Fayan, “Where are you going?”
Fayan said, “I am wandering aimlessly.”
“What do you think of wandering?”
“I don’t know.” “Not knowing is most intimate.”
Fayan was suddenly awakened.

This morning I received information that provided clarity to a certain aspect of my life and along with the clarity came sadness. I leaned into the sadness and gave space and time for the sensations. These emotions truly do need to be digested and integrated similar to food. I suppose emotions provide a sort of nourishment or richness to the soil of our lives. Imagine how bland life would be if emotions were muted, dulled or numbed.

I enjoyed dinner with an old friend and the conversation reminded me of the koan quoted above. I was so delighted that this koan rose to the surface. I love this koan and it is the perfect reminder to welcome the not knowing. This is how we wake up, become intimate with life.