Safe within the Borders of the Yoga Mat

In recent weeks, I haven’t been moving much. It’s been nearly a month since I attended a dance class and likely two months since I attended a yoga class. My mental sanity is definitely suffering. How did I get here? My natural stress response is to get as still as possible, because then maybe it will all go away and no one will notice I am even here. It’s not healthy, I see that.

I have been watching the Netflix series, "Atypical”. It’s about a family with an autistic son who is a senior in high school. Sometimes I wonder if I am on the spectrum. Honestly, we are all on the spectrum. Each episode is based on a theme that is woven through the 27 minute long drama. It is particularly highlighted when he is in “group” with the guidance counselor. A few recent themes: strengths, asking for help, etc. These are life skills that we all need. See, we are all on the spectrum. It’s called neurodiversity. Some of us just cope in more socially acceptable ways, which helps us mask our inadequacies.

I didn’t manage my sensitivities too well today. It’s okay though. I am getting better at asking for help and for what I need in the moment. I danced in my living room to a few songs. As I danced, I felt into how much sovereignty I feel when I dance. I also felt liberated to be beyond the borders of the yoga mat and to move in more fluid, spirals. In hindsight, when I started practicing yoga in 2003, there was safety in the borders of the yoga mat. It was my space and it was clearly communicated. This is important when one is not strong enough to consistently communicated boundaries. I’m still sensitive and I am stronger. Dance saved my life.