Were you close?

Me: I lost my aunt last week.

Other: I’m so sorry. Were you close?

Me: Umm, kinda. Yeah.

In losing my aunt (Tia) last week, so much is surfacing and integrating simultaneously. Were we close? Yes. Why can’t I just say “yes” when I am asked this question? It’s because of the story in my head about a close relationship with a Tia or really any family member. My real relationships don’t match up to the stories in my head or the expectations. For much of my life that caused unnecessary suffering. Only now do I see it.

Yes, I was close to my Tia Alice. As close as one can be in the Cueva family, anyway.

The Cueva Family is a quiet, peaceful Mexican family. My grandmother (Isabel) and grandfather (Louis) had eleven children. My Tia Alice was the oldest and my mom is number 10 (the youngest girl). The passing of my Tia this past week is the first loss in the immediate family since my grandfather nearly 30 years ago. It feels like a loss with a ripple effect - it’s a reminder of the aging process and our mortality. All deaths are this sort of reminder. This loss is one of us, though. It feels like the beginning of a phase. We had the wedding phase, the baby phase and now…

My mom’s generation openly admits that they don’t communicate. I am hopeful that my cousins and I can turn the tide on that one. We already are as we call each other and find relief in the understanding for the Cueva quirks we have in common. We are a loving, generous family and for that I am grateful.

My Tia Alice loved to shop on QVC. Most times I visited she wanted to show me her garden, feed me cookies and gift me a ring she had just bought on QVC. She has two children and three grandchildren. She lost her husband when I was a little girl. We used to spend the night at her house, so my parents could have date night. She was very thoughtful and I will miss her. I already do…

Gate Gate Paragate! Parasamgate! Bodhi Svaha! Prajña Heart Sutra.